During his haircut today, Rob, "Danger in your backyard" was telling me that a few years ago he was doing a tour in Bosnia. While there, they were visited by Canadian General Rick Hillier, where he actually got to know him personally.
Three weeks later back in Fort Hood, Texas, the American Military were holding a nation wide weekend convention, with many high ranking officials in attendance. With the Canadian General as one of their special guest. (In 1998 General Hillier was appointed as the first Canadian Deputy Commanding General of III Corps, US Army in Fort Hood, Texas.)
That same week, Rob just happened to be in the Fort Hood area on some Military business and had heard that the Americans were setting up for their annual Military Convention that very weekend, and thought he should go check it out on Saturday night.
Arriving a little early, and speaking briefly to a couple of officials, he made his way towards a seat in the back row.
"So, you're Canadian," said one officer. "Do you happen to know General Rick Hillier?"
"I've met him on a couple of occasions." Rob replied.
The officers seemed to be VERY impressed.
Later that evening, the M.C. was addressing General Hillier up front and said there was a fellow Canadian setting in the back row, who said, 'he knew you.'
"Have him stand up!" said the General.
Rob, a little embarrassed by now, stood to his feet.
When he saw him, the General stood at the mic, waving and said, "Hey Rob, how's it goin'?"
The Americans were flabbergasted!
Before the evening ended, Rob and General Hillier met and he asked Rob if he golfed. Rob said, "I can manage to hit the odd ball."
"Good enough," said Hillier. "What are you doing tomorrow at 2pm?"
"Nothing that can't wait." said Rob.
Hillier said, "Okay than, I'll meet you at the club at two. You have a cart... ready to go."
Rob than told me that he wasn't late for their tee time, but when he did arrive, the General was already there, sitting on the cart waiting for him.
He said, we smoked a couple cigars, chatted, and had a nice 'round of golf together.
That's our General! Canada's most popular, and most controversial, military leader since the Second World War!
Rob knew him. And I knew Rob. ( My claim to fame? Maybe not.)
Note: A book, that I believe every Canadian should read is, "A Soldier First" by General Rick Hillier.
The following compilation are Personal STORIES as well as STORIES, JOKES and QUOTES that I've heard over the years, by my clients, since I've been barbering. Some will make you laugh, some (but not many) will make you cry, while others will make you wonder why this guy doesn’t… ‘get a life.’
Friday, December 10, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Your CALL!
This is supposed to be the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.
"Please change your direction 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."
"Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a collision."
"This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."
"No. I say again, you divert YOUR course."
"THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!"
"This is a lighthouse. YOUR CALL!"
"Please change your direction 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."
"Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a collision."
"This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."
"No. I say again, you divert YOUR course."
"THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!"
"This is a lighthouse. YOUR CALL!"
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Died in 'The Service'
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church.
The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Alex."
"Good morning," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque.
"What is this?" Alex asked.
"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."
Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Little Alex's voice was trembling and barely audible when he asked, "Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?"
It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.
"Good morning," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque.
"What is this?" Alex asked.
"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."
Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Little Alex's voice was trembling and barely audible when he asked, "Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?"
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Hospital Regulations
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, Sue found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need her help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let her wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down she asked him if his wife was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let her wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down she asked him if his wife was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
Monday, December 6, 2010
Nuts!
Bob dropped by for a haircut today. He's been retired from the trucking business for a few years now. But has many stories that he can still recall. Here's an earlier one ( Hey! That's My Wife! ) And the following incident is just another day in the life of a 'Trucker.'
He told me him and his partner Jim were getting ready to haul a load of axles up north to Hay River. At best loading was always a struggle. But this particular time it became frustrating. Jim was fighting with an old rusty nut that he was trying to screw onto a bolt, to help hold down the load. It was taking forever to get this load secured.
Bob came by with a brand new nut in his hand and suggested that Jim use it. And being the stubborn individual that Jim is, he kept insisting that the old nut was going to be fine.
At this point Bob was thinking that they would never get out of the loading yard. With his anger at about the boiling point, he threw the nut as far as he could into the bush nearby.
They spent the next hour looking for the nut.
He told me him and his partner Jim were getting ready to haul a load of axles up north to Hay River. At best loading was always a struggle. But this particular time it became frustrating. Jim was fighting with an old rusty nut that he was trying to screw onto a bolt, to help hold down the load. It was taking forever to get this load secured.
Bob came by with a brand new nut in his hand and suggested that Jim use it. And being the stubborn individual that Jim is, he kept insisting that the old nut was going to be fine.
At this point Bob was thinking that they would never get out of the loading yard. With his anger at about the boiling point, he threw the nut as far as he could into the bush nearby.
They spent the next hour looking for the nut.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Recall Notice!
Has anyone checked lately to see if there is in fact still 24 hours in a day? Time is going by way to fast. It's Sunday again already!
And with that in mind, I thought the following post would be somewhat appropriate. Some of you readers will agree, others however, probably won't. That's okay too. Here goes...
The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.
This defect has been technically termed "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.
Some of the symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.
And with that in mind, I thought the following post would be somewhat appropriate. Some of you readers will agree, others however, probably won't. That's okay too. Here goes...
The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.
This defect has been technically termed "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.
Some of the symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.
Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure.
Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.
No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control
Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.
DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.
Thank you for your attention!
- GOD
P.S.
Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by 'Knee mail'!
Because He Lives!
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Small Fortune
George is a great conversationalist. And as one of my regular clients, was in for a haircut today.
One of the topics we discussed was Las Vagas. He told me he'd been to Vagas many times, and finally figured out how to leave there, with a small fortune.
Curiously, I asked, "How?"
He said, "You go there with a large fortune."
One of the topics we discussed was Las Vagas. He told me he'd been to Vagas many times, and finally figured out how to leave there, with a small fortune.
Curiously, I asked, "How?"
He said, "You go there with a large fortune."
Friday, December 3, 2010
The Promised Land
Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pickup your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land."
Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land."
Today, the Government has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!
I was so depressed last night thinking about BP, Health Care Plans, the Economy, the Wars, lost Jobs, Savings, Cancer, Social Security, Retirement Funds, etc . . . I called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English.
I was connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal.
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land."
Today, the Government has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!
I was so depressed last night thinking about BP, Health Care Plans, the Economy, the Wars, lost Jobs, Savings, Cancer, Social Security, Retirement Funds, etc . . . I called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English.
I was connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal.
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
My Wife's New Boat
Last summer, my wife, new to boating was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22-ft Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't plane at high speed at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every manoeuvre, no matter how much power she applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it go, she walked over to the nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong.
A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch.
So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath the boat. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
After about an hour of trying to make it go, she walked over to the nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong.
A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch.
So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath the boat. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
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