Len has been retired for
about six years. With nothing but time
on his hands, here’s a typical day at the market, for him… well kinda.
Yesterday I was at the
local IGA, he told me, buying a large
bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the
check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think
I had an elephant?
So because I'm
retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a
dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,
because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds
before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my
orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect
Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina
Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is
nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I
have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with
my story.)
Horrified, she asked if
I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no,
I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind
her was going to have a heart attack he was Laughing so hard.
IGA won't let me shop
there anymore, he said.
Better watch what you
ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy
things to say.
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