Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The Plan

Robin Williams, wearing a shirt that says 'I love New York' in Arabic.

He made this speech in New York. 



The Plan!

Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan. What we need now is for the UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.

Robin Williams' Plan...(Hard to argue with this logic!)

'I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan.'

1) 'The US, UK , CANADA and  AUSTRALIA  will apologize to the world for our 'interference' in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those 'good 'ole' boys', we will never 'interfere' again.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East, and the   Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days, the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are from. They're illegal!!!   France will welcome them.

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5) No foreign 'students' over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a 'D' , then it's back home baby!

6) The US, UK, CANADA and  AUSTRALIA  will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.

7) Offer  Saudi Arabia  and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up, the storage sites would be enough.)

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not 'interfere.' They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who NEED it most get very little, if anything.

9) Ship the UN  Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us 'Ugly Americans' any longer. The Language we speak is ENGLISH...learn it...or LEAVE...Now, isn't that a winner of a plan? 

'The Statue of Liberty  is no longer saying 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?'

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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

For Sale By Owner

Some years ago, the following ad appeared in a local paper. Saw it online again this week, still makes me laugh...

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

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Friday, September 2, 2011

A Stunning Senior Moment!

A self-important college freshman walking along a beach, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen who was setting on the steps, why it was impossible for the older generation to understand the younger generation. 

"You grew up in a different world, almost a primitive one."  the student said loud enough for others to hear.  "The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, man walking on the moon, space travel.  We have nuclear energy, and cell phones... computers with light speed, and much more."

After a brief silence, the senior citizen responded with the following...

"You are right son.  We didn't have all those things when were young... we invented them!"  "Now you arrogant little sh*t, what are you doing for the next generation?"

The Applause was amazing!

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