A mother asked her young son, as they waited for the bus, to tell the
driver he was 5 years old, because then he would ride for free.
As they got into the bus the driver asked him how old he was.
“I am 5 years old,” said the little boy proudly.
The driver had a son of his own that age, and smiled, “And when will you be 6 years old?` he asked.
“When I get off the bus,” answered the boy.
The following compilation are Personal STORIES as well as STORIES, JOKES and QUOTES that I've heard over the years, by my clients, since I've been barbering. Some will make you laugh, some (but not many) will make you cry, while others will make you wonder why this guy doesn’t… ‘get a life.’
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
The Stop Sign
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff.
He thinks he’s smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than an sheriff from West Virginia.
The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, “What for?”
The sheriff responds, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”
The lawyer says, “I slowed down and no one was coming.”
“You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration please,” say the sheriff impatiently.
The lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”
The sheriff says, “That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle.”
The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it.
The sheriff says, “Do you want me to stop or just slow down?”
He thinks he’s smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than an sheriff from West Virginia.
The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, “What for?”
The sheriff responds, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”
The lawyer says, “I slowed down and no one was coming.”
“You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration please,” say the sheriff impatiently.
The lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”
The sheriff says, “That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle.”
The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it.
The sheriff says, “Do you want me to stop or just slow down?”
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Local Brothel Sues Church Over Lighting Strike
MT. VERNON, TEXAS …
Diamond D's brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business.
In response, the local Baptist Church across the street started a campaign to block the business from expanding -- with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church.
Work on Diamond D's progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground.
After the cat-house was burned to the ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the power of prayer."
Diamond D's brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business.
In response, the local Baptist Church across the street started a campaign to block the business from expanding -- with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church.
Work on Diamond D's progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground.
After the cat-house was burned to the ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the power of prayer."
But late last week 'Big Jugs' Jill Diamond, the owner/madam, sued the church, the preacher and the entire congregation on the grounds that the church ... "was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and her business -- either through direct or indirect divine actions or means."
In its reply to the court, the church vehemently and voraciously denied any and all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.
The crusty old judge read through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply, and at the opening hearing he commented:
"I don't know how the heck I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, that we now have a whorehouse owner who staunchly believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that thinks it's all BS."
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