A Little IRISH Humour

One morning, three Irishmen and three Englishmen were in a ticket

counter queue at a train station. The three Englishmen each bought a
ticket and watched as the three Irishmen bought just one ticket.

'How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?' asked
one of the Englishmen.

'Be watchin and a learnin,' answered one of the Irishmen.

All six boarded the train where the three Englishmen sat down, but the
three Irishmen crammed into a toilet together and closed the door.
Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect
tickets.
He knocked on the toilet door and said, 'Ticket, please.'

The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in
hand. The conductor took it and moved on. The Englishmen saw this
happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea. Indeed, so clever they
decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.

That afternoon when they got back to the station, they bought a single
ticket for the return trip and watched, while to their astonishment,
the three Irishmen didn't buy even one ticket !

'How are you going to travel without a ticket?' asked a perplexed
Englishman. 'Be watchin and a learnin,' answered the three Irish boys in
unison.

When they boarded the train, the three Englishmen crammed themselves
into a toilet and the three Irishmen crammed into another toilet just
down the way. Shortly after the train began to move, one of the
Irishmen left the toilet and walked over to the toilet in which the
Englishmen were hiding.

The Irishman knocked on the door and said, 'Ticket, please.'


Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the
ark, and professionals built the Titanic.

Power Outage

We had a power outage at my house this morning and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, Pad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down.

Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat and to top it off it was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf.

 I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this also needs power, so I  sat and talked with my wife for a few hours.

She seems like a nice person.

Catching Pigs

There was a chemistry professor in a large college that had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab, the professor noticed one young man, an exchange student, who kept rubbing his back and stretching as if his back hurt. The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country's government and install a new communist regime.

In the midst of his story, he looked at the professor and asked a strange question. He asked: "Do you know how to catch wild pigs?"

The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line.

The young man said that it was no joke. "You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come every day to eat the free corn.

"When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side. "The pigs, which are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat that free corn again. You then slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd. Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity."

The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening in America. The government keeps pushing us toward Communism/Socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tax exemptions, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare, medicine, drugs, etc., while we continually lose our freedoms, just a little at a time.
 
But, God help us all when the gate slams shut!