Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too... I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?'
To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours."
The following compilation are Personal STORIES as well as STORIES, JOKES and QUOTES that I've heard over the years, by my clients, since I've been barbering. Some will make you laugh, some (but not many) will make you cry, while others will make you wonder why this guy doesn’t… ‘get a life.’
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Still Have My Driver's License
Today Ralph said, "I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind.
I can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that make me dizzy,
winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and
feet anymore
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license."
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Don't Mess With the Elderly
Myra Rhodes, a little old lady living in Great Baddow, Essex, answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
''Good morning, Ma'am,'' said the young man. ''If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.''
''Go away!'' said Myra brusquely. ''I'm broke and haven't got any money,'' and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. ''Don't be too hasty,'' he commanded. ''Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.'' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
''Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.''
Myra stepped back and said with a smile, ''Well let me get you a spoon, young man because they cut off my electricity this morning.''
''Good morning, Ma'am,'' said the young man. ''If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.''
''Go away!'' said Myra brusquely. ''I'm broke and haven't got any money,'' and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. ''Don't be too hasty,'' he commanded. ''Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.'' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
''Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.''
Myra stepped back and said with a smile, ''Well let me get you a spoon, young man because they cut off my electricity this morning.''
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