Our Seniors

A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments.

"My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an "X" at election time, my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.

"What? Speak up! What? I can't hear you!"

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a fourth, to which several noddedweakly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!" exclaimed another.

"I forget where I am, and where I'm going," said another.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.

The others nodded in agreement.

"Well, count your Blessings," said a woman cheerfully - - "thank God we can all still drive."

Here's Today's Promo

The Farmer's Donkey

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a  well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what
he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

Free your heart from hatred - Forgive..

Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

Live simply and appreciate what you have.

Give more.

Expect less

NOW .............
Enough of that crap . . The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.
The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

Here's Today's Promo

Don't Pass Up Dessert!

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.  

I got to thinking one day about all those people on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back.  From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible.  

How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed?  Does the word 'refrigeration' mean nothing to you?  
How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched ' Jeopardy ' on television?  

I cannot count the times I called my sister and said , 'How about going to lunch in a half hour?' She would gas up and stammer, 'I can't.  I have clothes on the line.  My hair is dirty.  I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain'  And my personal favorite:  'It's Monday.' She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.  

Because   People   cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches..  We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect!  

We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Steve toilet-trained.  We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet.  We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older.  The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer.  One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of 'I'm going to,' 'I plan on,' and 'Someday, when things are settled down a bit.'  

When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips.  She keeps an open mind on new ideas.  Her enthusiasm for life is contagious.  You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Rollerblades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.  

My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years.  I love ice cream.  It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process.  The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker.  If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.  

Now...go on and have a nice day.  Do something you WANT to...not something on your SHOULD DO list. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say?   And why are you waiting?  
 
Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to the rain lapping on the ground?  Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night?  Do you run through each day on the fly?  When you ask 'How are you?'  Do you hear the reply?  

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head?  Ever told your child, 'We'll do it tomorrow.' And in your haste, not see her sorrow?  Ever lost touch?  Let a good friendship die?  Just call to say 'Hi'?  

When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift....Thrown away.... Life is not a race. Take it slower.  Hear the music before the song is over.

Here's Today's Promo 

Women Think of Everything

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they
hated each other. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.

The old man would shout, 'When I die, I will  dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!'

Neighbours feared him. They believed he practiced magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighbourhood. The old man liked the fact that he was feared.

To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98. His wife had a closed casket at the wake.

After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow.

Her neighbours, concerned for her safety, asked,  'Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?'

The wife put down her drink and said, 'Let him dig. I had him buried upside down.'

And you know men won't ask for directions...

Here's  Today's Promo

Do Not Underestimate Teachers!

Teaching is ... the profession that makes all other professions possible!

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life.

One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education.  He argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"

To stress his point, he said to another guest; "You're a teacher, Bonnie.  Be honest.  What do you make?"

Bonnie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, "You want to know what I make?
(She paused for a  second, then began...)

"Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.

I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents can't make them sit for 5 minutes without an iPod, Game Cube or movie rental.

You want to know what I make?
(She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table).

I make kids wonder.

I make them question.

I make them apologize and mean it.

I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions.

I teach them to write and then I make them write something worthwhile. Keyboarding isn't everything.

I make them read, read, read.

I make them show all their work in math.  They use their brain, not the man-made calculator.

I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know about English while preserving their unique cultural identity.

I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.

Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were born with, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life. 
(Bonnie paused one last time and then continued.)

Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, not knowing that money isn't everything, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention to them because they are ignorant.

You want to  know what I make?  I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. 

What do you make, Mr. CEO?

The CEO's jaw dropped, and he went silent.

Here's Today's Promo