Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Good Old Harry Truman

Harry Truman was a different kind of President. He probably made as many, or more important decisions regarding the nation's history as any of the other 42 Presidents preceding him. However, a measure of his greatness may rest on what he did after he left the White House.

The only asset he had when he died was the house he lived in, which was in Independence Missouri. His wife had inherited the house from her mother and father and other than their years in the White House, they lived their entire lives there.

When he retired from office in 1952 his income was a U.S. Army pension reported to have been $13,507.72 a year. Congress, noting that he was paying for his stamps and personally licking them, granted him an 'allowance' and, later, a retroactive pension of $25,000 per year.

After President Eisenhower was inaugurated, Harry and Bess drove home to Missouri by themselves. There was no Secret Service following them.

When offered corporate positions at large salaries, he declined, stating, "You don't want me. You want the office of the President, and that doesn't belong to me. It belongs to the American people and it's not for sale."

Even later, on May 6, 1971, when Congress was preparing to award him the Medal of Honor on his 87th birthday, he refused to accept it, writing, "I don't consider that I have done anything which should be the reason for any award, Congressional or otherwise."

As president he paid for all of his own travel expenses and food.

Modern politicians have found a new level of success in cashing in on the Presidency, resulting in untold wealth. Today, many in Congress also have found a way to become quite wealthy while enjoying the fruits of their offices. Political offices are now for sale (cf. Illinois).

Good old Harry Truman was correct when he observed, "My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!

I say dig him up and clone him!

Enjoy life now -- it has an expiration date!

Friday, December 23, 2011

Something Personal For Your Wife

Gord, if you're reading this... just wanted to say... I'm still laughing.

"Have you ever had to pick up something personal for your wife, while shopping?" he asked me this morning while I cut his hair.

"What exactly do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, a couple of weeks ago, my wife wasn't feeling so good, and she asked me if I could pick her up a package of Tampax while I was at the store.  She said,  'it's the one in the blue package.'

"Walking down one of the aisles, I'm shocked to see what looked to me to be thousands of blue Tampax packages.  Totally dazed, I'm thinking ... 'which one do I pick?'

Grabbing one that had a sale price of $7.95 on it, I headed to the checkout, before someone actually saw me.

As the cashier scanned the three items I had, the Tampax rang up at $15.95.  I quickly said, no, no, no, those are on sale for $7.95.  And before I took my next breath, she was on the intercom receiver, making a store wide announcement... 'Price check please, aisle 13, Tampax, blue package.'  By now I had turned every shade of red possible, while seven other customers standing behind me, patiently waited.

What felt to be about ten minutes later, another voice comes back on the intercom, 'Was that the kind that you push in with your thumb or pound in with a hammer?'  

He thought she had said, ThumTacks."









Monday, December 19, 2011

How Old Is Grandma?

Stay with this -- the answer is at the end. It will blow you away.

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandmother about current events.


The grandson asked his grandmother what she thought about the shootings at schools,
the computer age, and just things in general..

The Grandmother replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before: 


* Television
* Penicillin  

* Polio shots
* Frozen foods
* Xerox
* Contact lenses
* Frisbees and
* The pill.


 There were no:


* Credit cards
* Laser beams or
* Ball-point pens.

Man had not invented: 


* Pantyhose
* Air conditioners
* Dishwashers
* Clothes dryers
* And the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and
* Man hadn't yet walked on the moon


Your Grandfather and I got married first, ......... and then lived together.. 


Every family had a father and a mother. 


Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir".


And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, "Sir.."


We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy. 


Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense.


We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions. 


Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege... 


We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent. 


Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins. 


Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the evening breeze started. 


Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums. 


We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CD's, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings. 


We listened to Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios. 


And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey. 


If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk.


The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.... 


Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of. 


We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents. 


Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel. 


And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards. 


You could buy a new Ford Coupe for $600, .... But who could afford one? 

Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day: 


"Grass" was mowed.

"Coke" was a cold drink.
"Pot" was something your mother cooked in.
"Rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby. 
"Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office.
"Chip" meant a piece of wood.
"Hardware" was found in a hardware store and
"Software" wasn't even a word.

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. 


No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generation gap. 


How old do you think I am?


I bet you have this old lady in mind....you are in for a shock! 


Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time.

Are you ready ?


This woman would be only 59 years old.

Pub Next Door

An older married couple had been out shopping at the mall for most of the afternoon. 

Suddenly, the wife realized that her husband had "disappeared".
 
The somewhat irate spouse called her mate's cell phone and demanded: "Where the hell are you?"

Husband:  "Darling, you remember that Jewellery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it and I didn't have money at that time and said, 'Baby, it'll be yours one day'?"

Wife, with a smile, blushing: "Yes I remember that, my love."

Husband: "Well, I'm in the Pub next door to that shop."

Friday, December 16, 2011

The 'Y' Generation!

People born before 1946 were called The Silent generation.

People born between 1946 and 1964 are called The Baby Boomers.
 
People born between 1965 and 1979 are called Generation X.

And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called Generation Y.

Why do we call the last group, Generation Y?
 
Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?

But a cartoonist explained it very eloquently below...










 



















Saturday, December 3, 2011

The Government At Work!

The iron fence around the Prime Minister's residence at 24 Sussex Drive was in need of repair and contractors from Alberta, Quebec and Newfoundland were bidding for the job so the three of them went to look at the job to be done along with a government official.

The Alberta contractor took out a measuring tape, did some calculations and announced. "I
figure the job will run about $900. of which $400. is for materials, $400. for my crew and $100. of profit for me"

The Newfie contractor then measured the area, did some figuring and announced, "I can do the job for $700. being $300. for materials, $300. for my crew and $100. profit for me.

The Quebec contractor didn't measure anything and didn't do any calculations, simply leaning over
to the government official and whispering "$2,700."

The government official turned back to him saying, "You didn't even measure or calculate like the other guys, so how do you come up with such a big amount?"

The Quebec contractor whispers back to him, " $1,000. for me. $1,000. for you and we hire the Newfie to do the job"

"Done" replies the government official.