Today, Tom and Myrtle are both in their mid seventies. Still very active and always on the go.
During his haircut yesterday, Tom was telling me that one of the grand kids gave Myrtle a new cell phone for her birthday a couple of weeks ago.
As expected, he said, it was going to take some time for her to get use to the new technology and all the functions that were available to her, on her new phone.
Last week he said they were driving to the city for an afternoon of shopping. With Myrtle in the passenger seat and her cell phone in her hand, she decided to do a Google search on pork recipes, since she had planned to have some sort of pork roast supper that evening.
She commenced to type in the word 'PORK.' And as she did, she accidently hit the 'N' button for the 'K.' And what appeared in front of her instantly made her scream. "WHAT IS THIS?" "HOW DO I GET RID OF THIS?" And of course by now, Tom is also yelling... "WHAT, WHAT IS IT?" "HERE, LET ME SEE!" as he barely missed hitting a parked car. She had typed in the word 'PORN' instead of 'PORK.' The screen was covered with very explicit pictures, like nothing she'd ever seen before, or ever wanted to see again.
That evening pork roast left a different taste in their mouths. Even though the recipe hadn't changed.
And from that day on, Tom said Myrtle was very careful while doing any Google search, making sure all words were spelled correctly, before hitting the 'Enter' button.
.
The following compilation are Personal STORIES as well as STORIES, JOKES and QUOTES that I've heard over the years, by my clients, since I've been barbering. Some will make you laugh, some (but not many) will make you cry, while others will make you wonder why this guy doesn’t… ‘get a life.’
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Close Shave
Did you hear about the man who decides to drop in the local Barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber, taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The man places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks, "What if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
"I have just the thing," says the barber, taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The man places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks, "What if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
Monday, August 19, 2013
Fractions!
August 18, 2013. It's amazing how fast our lives can change. Actually within a second.
I was talking to my very best friend tonight, who lives in St. John's, Newfoundland.
He told me about a week ago he was at his cabin, trimming a couple of windows that he hadn't finished. While using his table saw to make the cuts, he accidently ran his left hand over the blade and sheared off two fingers and sliced his thumb, down the middle, almost in half. The doctor couldn't save the two fingers and told him he may never have more than fifty per cent use of his thumb, if in fact, any.
During our conversation, he told me he's making the best that he can of a bad situation. His spirits were up and he could joke about it now.
Retired, for some years from teaching he said, "Well, if I were still teaching school, I'd have no problem doing fractions in math class." "Or, at a rock concert, I'd fit right in." he laughed.
Actually we were both laughing by now. And I said, "I wanted to call you tonight and get the story, first hand." (never any pun intended, of course.)
Ron, over the years I have told people many stories of you and us. I don't think there's a day goes by but something reminds me of you. And now, I have another story to tell.
I hope you recover quickly and that you do adjust well.
Note: Ron is not only my best friend, but he's also my editor. Love you buddy.
I was talking to my very best friend tonight, who lives in St. John's, Newfoundland.
He told me about a week ago he was at his cabin, trimming a couple of windows that he hadn't finished. While using his table saw to make the cuts, he accidently ran his left hand over the blade and sheared off two fingers and sliced his thumb, down the middle, almost in half. The doctor couldn't save the two fingers and told him he may never have more than fifty per cent use of his thumb, if in fact, any.
During our conversation, he told me he's making the best that he can of a bad situation. His spirits were up and he could joke about it now.
Retired, for some years from teaching he said, "Well, if I were still teaching school, I'd have no problem doing fractions in math class." "Or, at a rock concert, I'd fit right in." he laughed.
Actually we were both laughing by now. And I said, "I wanted to call you tonight and get the story, first hand." (never any pun intended, of course.)
Ron, over the years I have told people many stories of you and us. I don't think there's a day goes by but something reminds me of you. And now, I have another story to tell.
I hope you recover quickly and that you do adjust well.
Note: Ron is not only my best friend, but he's also my editor. Love you buddy.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Montreal
Ever notice the feeling you get when visiting a small town? The type of service you get, can be second to none. People seem to be more caring and down to earth. This type of atmosphere is not often found in bigger cities. Or is it?
James and his wife were visiting friends in Montreal whom they hadn't seen for a couple of years.
On the third day of their visit, James suggested he'd treat everyone to breakfast.
After it was decided as to where they should eat, they were off.
Upon arriving at the restaurant, the first thing everyone noticed was a sign that read "Cash Only." Well, who carries cash these days right? Two blocks down the street at a service station there was a cash machine, they were told. When they got there, and after three attempts to do a withdrawal, James' card was declined. For some reason it wouldn't accept his PIN.
Somewhat disappointed by now, they headed back to their vehicle, to try a different place. But as they past in front of the restaurant, there was a gentleman sweeping the sidewalk in front of the main entrance. He stopped his sweeping for a second to say hello. James preceded to tell him about what just happened.
He said, "Oh no, you all just go on in, find yourself a seat. I'll be right in to make sure you're taken care of. Don't worry about the money right now, you can take care of that after you eat."
Upon his advise, they took him up on his offer and went inside. Had the heartiest breakfast ever. And were treated like royalty.
Oh, the gentleman sweeping outside... was also the owner of the Restaurant.
So even if you're in Montreal or any other major city for that matter, I'm sure somewhere there, you can always find that small town atmosphere.
James and his wife were visiting friends in Montreal whom they hadn't seen for a couple of years.
On the third day of their visit, James suggested he'd treat everyone to breakfast.
After it was decided as to where they should eat, they were off.
Upon arriving at the restaurant, the first thing everyone noticed was a sign that read "Cash Only." Well, who carries cash these days right? Two blocks down the street at a service station there was a cash machine, they were told. When they got there, and after three attempts to do a withdrawal, James' card was declined. For some reason it wouldn't accept his PIN.
Somewhat disappointed by now, they headed back to their vehicle, to try a different place. But as they past in front of the restaurant, there was a gentleman sweeping the sidewalk in front of the main entrance. He stopped his sweeping for a second to say hello. James preceded to tell him about what just happened.
He said, "Oh no, you all just go on in, find yourself a seat. I'll be right in to make sure you're taken care of. Don't worry about the money right now, you can take care of that after you eat."
Upon his advise, they took him up on his offer and went inside. Had the heartiest breakfast ever. And were treated like royalty.
Oh, the gentleman sweeping outside... was also the owner of the Restaurant.
So even if you're in Montreal or any other major city for that matter, I'm sure somewhere there, you can always find that small town atmosphere.
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